Anxiety is not Your Fault
Stress is a normal response to upsetting or stressful situations. In some cases, however, our stress gets out of control and we develop social anxiety. For some, extreme anxiety can feel like their life is in danger. Fearful thoughts keep them constantly on high alert. Social anxiety can interfere with your daily life. It hinders your daily duties and may affect performance at work or cause relationships issues.
What Does Social Anxiety Feel Like?
Intense Fear of being judged by or interacting with others
Excessive worries (negative thinking/expecting the worst)
Difficulty with assertiveness and expressing your feelings
Feeling triggered by COVID-19 or other recent events
Avoiding social situations
Hard time forming or maintaining relationships
Muscle tension
Tight chest or difficulty breathing
Fluctuating body temperature, hot flashes when upset
Frequent fatigue or mental exhaustion
Everyone Experiences Anxiety Differently
Anxiety can be caused by many things in life. You may feel anxiety with new life transitions or stressful situations. A common anxiety trigger at this time is COVID-19 and the effects of social distancing.
Through social media, we are exposed to many anxiety triggers, all of which can take a toll on our mental health. We often compare ourselves with our friends or others on Facebook or Instagram. These negative comparisons can lead to social anxiety.
People with social anxiety are often preoccupied with the fear of rejection or letting anybody down. Social anxiety occurs when your priority is meeting others’ expectations. Therefore, self-care and recovery are not priorities. This can leave you feeling confused, misunderstood, and guilty in relationships.
We all feel anxiety in some way, but we experience it differently.
With debilitating anxiety, life itself can feel like a burden. You may not feel like yourself anymore. You may isolate yourself and disconnect from reality. You may fill your mind with worst-case scenarios and all-or-nothing thinking.
Is Anxiety a Sign of Weakness?
While some degree of anxiety is normal and can even help us solve problems, anxiety can take over our lives. External triggers, such as the coronavirus pandemic, job loss, or major life changes can make worsen our anxiety. Anxious parents or caregivers create anxious children. During childhood, one of the most important milestones is the development of healthy self-regulation (the ability to soothe ourselves). Unfortunately, the lack of emotional support from parents leads to poor emotional regulation skills.
Anxiety does not go away on its own. Nor is anxiety a sign of weakness. In fact, acknowledging anxiety and choosing to work towards improvement is a sign of strength and courage.
With the support and guidance of a therapist, many people (including myself) are able to build skills to cope with anxiety and process any underlying issues. I, myself, have over 10 years of personal experience in anxiety treatment. This experience has changed my life, and I now hope to use this understanding to help you recover from anxiety and reclaim your own life.
My Approach to Healing Anxiety
We all have felt anxious or judged at one time or more. Social anxiety or social phobia can be developed due to childhood trauma. Childhood traumatic experiences such as abandonment, abuse, and neglect develop fear of rejection which can continue in adulthood.
My goal is to change the way we manage anxiety and offer effective, compassionate solutions to those who are ready to take back control of their lives.
Strategic Integration: There are many ways to conquer anxiety. I have found that the best results occur with combing the right medications with psychotherapy. As an EMDR certified therapist, I believe that EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) allows us to identify the root of your anxiety and discover new ways of responding to anxiety and stressors with self-regulation.
Mind-Body Balance: I believe that treating anxiety is about understanding and rewiring the mind-body connection. Recovering from anxiety can put you on track to a healthy and meaningful life. You will learn how to regulate your physical symptoms and face your fears with courage. You will participate in the meaningful life events and activities you once avoided. You will make better connections. You will live more in the moment.
Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT): Acceptance Commitment Therapy believes that while pain hurts, suppressing our pain only creates more suffering. The goal of ACT is to accept our pain and acknowledge negative thoughts, memories, emotions, sensations, and urges before changing them. Instead of allowing automatic or reactive responses, we mindfully and deliberately choose behaviors. “Good actions brings good results, bad actions bring bad results.” By using ACT, I can help you identify the most realistic and relevant actions for your goals and needs.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Anxiety can scramble your brain and make it hard to think clearly. Cognitive behavioral therapy provides a structured way to notice inaccurate or negative thinking and develop better responses to difficult situations. CBT explains that our thoughts and behaviors are associated with our emotions. When you are aware of unhelpful or negative thoughts and behaviors, you can change the way you feel about yourself, others, and the world.
Internal Family System (IFS):Internal Family System is a method that proven to be effective for treating anxiety and trauma. IFS explains that we all have multiple personalities or inner parts of ourselves. Each inner part or personality has a role to sustain life. These parts interact with each other just as people interact. This means that some of these parts run into conflict when one part has more power or disregards other parts.
IFS stresses the importance of resolving the internal conflict between parts. For instance, a part of you may be scared to begin therapy, while another part of you knows that therapy will be helpful. We have different parts for different goals within each of us. With IFS, we can find a way to heal vulnerable parts and restore a healthy and balanced internal system. I believe that the process of recovery from anxiety must be self-directed with the support and guidance of a therapist. This allows you to create your own sense of agency, control, and safety.
What to Expect from Anxiety Therapy:
Therapy is a collaborative process. Together, we will identify the main issues and create goals.
The key is measurable progress. For example, we may set the goal to reduce excessive worrying and anxiety from 5 days a week to 1 day a week. We will develop an effective treatment approach that addresses your goals and expectations in therapy. After each session, you will receive a personalized action plan and practice skills between sessions. As a result, you can hold yourself accountable for your self-healing and be able to track your progress clearly.
Medications can be helpful to treat anxiety caused by a chemical imbalance. However, I’ve witnessed that many of my clients can better manage anxiety with therapy and lifestyle change. We will explore different treatment options that match your unique symptoms and needs.
How Can You Tell if Anxiety Therapy is Working?
The best sign that anxiety therapy is working is relief from your anxiety symptoms.
At the start of therapy, we will talk about the signs and symptoms you experience, such as social anxiety, excessive worrying, poor sleep, hopelessness, or physical manifestations of your anxiety. We will measure the severity of your symptoms by using “scaling questions.” An example of a scaling question is “how intense are your symptoms on scale of 0 to 10?” These questions help us develop an individualized plan aligned with your symptoms and keep track of your progress.
Can Therapy Help With My Relationship Anxiety?
I’ve witnessed that many people seek out therapy due to relationship issues. Intimacy issues, family issues, or communication problems at work are common causes of anxiety. We all want to be respected, acknowledged, and loved as social connection is deeply connected with our well-being.
With therapy, we can get to the root of your anxiety and analyze how you form and maintain relationships. Through the process, you will develop effective interpersonal skills such as boundary setting, verbal and nonverbal communication skills, assertiveness, conflict management, and more. I believe that healthy relationships lead to better lives.
Online Therapy for Anxiety:
Online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy. Our online therapy sessions work just as if we were having an in-person session. I believe that a sense of safety is a salient aspect of effective therapy. Receiving therapy in the comfort of your home or place can be beneficial and transformative. Online therapy is conducted through a HIPAA secure online video chat platform. All treatment options (EMDR, ACT, CBT, & Mindfulness) can be effectively done using online therapy.
Multicultural Issues and Anxiety
I specialize in treating anxiety due to multicultural issues. As a Korean American who grew up with two cultures, the way we feel about cultures and traditions can be confusing and provoke anxiety. Working with many diverse individuals and couples, I’ve noticed that many of us share common multicultural issues:
Loss of identity
Career issues
Disagreements over differences in values and beliefs
Struggles with dysfunctional family dynamics
These issues can cause lack of clarity, which results in anxiety and other intense emotions. We must investigate our own internal conflict and appreciate our own identity and differences. I believe that recovering from multicultural issues means discovering what makes you you.
You don’t have to live with crippling anxiety. Book your free 20 minute consultation to find out how we can work together to take control of your anxiety and live life more freely.
I make videos about self-healing and self-regulation. Here is a simple and effective way to relieve anxiety: