I’d like to welcome every self-healer to this healing space. Basically, your self-esteem consists of thoughts and opinions you have about yourself. Your self-esteem is not based on facts. We believe we have low self-esteem when we feel unhappy and unsatisfied, and we believe we have high self-esteem when we feel positive and confident. I will often hear clients say, “I have low self-esteem. How can I improve it?” I ask them, “If self-esteem is a bunch of thoughts and judgements made by your “thinking self,” is having a high self-esteem really what you are looking for?” Are we just convincing our “thinking self” that we should have high self-esteem just because we can do good things? I would argue that if we are living our life based on thoughts of doing good or bad things, maybe we need to look at self-esteem in a different light.
What if, instead of playing this mind game, you give up on the concept of “improving your self-esteem” by realizing that you are NOT your thoughts and feelings? Instead, you can take a step back and observe your thoughts and judgements as if they are words and pictures on a screen. Maybe even be grateful for these thoughts while recognizing that you are so much more than these judgements.
Russ Harris from his book, The Happiness Trap states that you’re neither the black pieces or white pieces in a chess game. You’re the board. These white and blacks pieces are your achievements, failure, thoughts, feelings, memories, and images. Are you your thoughts? Are you your feelings? Are you your achievement or failure? You’re the board so you can allow these pieces to explore and experience life. Let’s accept all experiences and trust your ability to choose what’s meaningful for you. Again, it’s all for you. This takes effort and conscious awareness to intentionally live a valued driven life and let go of the game of “high self-esteem vs. low self-esteem.” Set meaningful goals and you will be on your way to a joyful and purposeful life. Take all the time you need. Take good care of yourself and do your healing every day.
If you’re interested in therapy, please schedule a 20 minute free consultation